An Exercise in Futility
by BloodiedCoreOfHope
Summary: Futile: Adjective, to be incapable of producing any useful result; pointless. Because what else would you call trying to remove Conan's murder magnet status?


Ran frowned to herself, watching her houseguest out of the corner of her eyes. He was currently laying on his back on the sofa, head buried in a 'Detective Samonji' book that Heiji had sent him, eyes drinking in the words like the elixir of life itself. His smile was bright, like the sun. She had flicked through a copy of the book at the bookstore just to check it wasn't inappropriate before agreeing to let the Osakan send it- some detective novels could get very graphic in their descriptions.

She was disappointed with the content's graphic nature, but found a child edition that was much less intense. She asked him to send that one instead, and was pleased to see that he had indeed followed her request- he sent the hardback version with a dust cover and illustration on the front, no less. The hours of peace it had granted her so far made it worth the mild guilt she felt at depriving him the full plot.

The content in the book had caused her some consternation, and she had drawn some… Interesting parallels between the book and her life. The fact that she had seen _far_ more elaborate traps in her life worried her a fact that the descriptions, while graphic, felt almost plain was even more worrying. It had led her to come up with a few ideas, but none were particularly pleasant.

Shinichi, and later Conan, seemed to be the roots of the ridiculous murders present in their daily lives. Heck, going anywhere with them pretty much guaranteed something terrible would happen! Ran's frown deepened. Perhaps they had a curse on them, or were secretly orchestrating everything?

No. They wouldn't do that, but it still was an alarmingly consistent coincidence. She looked over to Conan's place on the sofa, smiling slightly. He had moved to an upright position and was leaning forwards on the edge of his seat, nose hidden in the book, legs swinging with excitement.

Her expression became determined: she wouldn't let Conan lose his innocence to murders!

* * *

The next time she went outside, she made a point of bringing Conan with her, just to see if her theory was right about the murders. The bank trip went well until they reached the tellers. At that point, a large group of men walked in and bowled Conan straight over in their path to the center of the bank's entrance area. Once there, they set themselves up in a defensive formation using guns. "We demand 100 million yen, and you better hand it over if you want survivors!"

Conan pulled himself up, gave them a very dirty look, and calmly walked over to her with a long suffering sigh. Ran scooped him up onto one of the benches, subtly texting Megure about the situation. The 110 hotline didn't work well for subtlety in a hostage situation after all. The criminals had forgotten to cover the door so when Megure and a riot squad strolled in, they were completely unprepared.

The fact that their guns were later revealed to be fakes helped too.

When all was said and done, she was just going to head home for some much needed rest, but Conan tugged her to the (traumatised) teller with a smile, "We have to get what we came here for, right? It's a long walk home anyway."

Ran gave him a small smile, "I guess so."

When they got home that day, Conan simply pulled out the book he had been reading for the last week or so, and sat down with a smile. Apparently, bank robberies were irrelevant when compared to the wonders of fictional detectives. Who knew?

* * *

It seemed the only way to safely combat corpse magnetism would be house arrest. That in mind, she set about tricking Conan into staying home without tipping him off. A little observation that would make Shinichi proud later, and Ran had a plan!

"Conan-kun, do you want to watch some football?" Instantly, footsteps began thumping down the stairs towards her. Conan's eyes were bright with curiosity, and even though he had a book loosely held in one hand she definitely had his full attention.

"I thought the season was over, though?"

"Well, I found some reruns of a few matches we missed while we were on cases. I thought it'd be fun for you to watch them."

Conan frowned contemplatively, clearly confused, "But you've never liked football before..."

She gave him a smile, stepping into the room and unmuting the television for him. "I'll just be working on some homework in my room, it's not like I'll be watching it with you."

He grinned, accepting her excuse easily. "Okay then, Ran-neechan."

When he had settled himself down, she shut the door quietly, locking it. If everything went well, then Conan would be unable to attract any murders when he was at home- and the best bit was that he wouldn't suspect a thing. If she managed to keep him entertained then it would be relaxing for both parties involved.

When it came time for him to go to bed she unlocked the door and called him. It went smoothly, repeating with minor variations for a few days. He started giving her suspicious looks after that, and it became harder and harder to lock him in each day.

About a week after she began noticing strange sounds from Kogoro and Conan's room (beyond the usual snoring), and when she decided to investigate she found him thrashing in his sheets muttering in that sleep dazed way people do, about a 'Berumotto', who was apparently disguising as Ran, and trapping him. She found her heart clenching, and didn't have the will to keep doing it. If it was causing nightmares somehow, then…

Looks like the initial idea of house arrest was out of the picture for now. Didn't mean she couldn't upgrade it, though!

* * *

"Ah, Heiji! Come in, Conan's still at school for this week but I thought you'd want to see him so…"

"Yeah, guess I did wanna see him, huh? High schools letting out a week earlier must feel pretty weird to Ku-Conan-kun."

"Maybe. I suppose that having someone home all the time might feel strange." Ran agreed, moving inside to prepare some tea for him, eliciting a light hearted laugh from Heiji. "We have a few hours, so I was hoping to ask you a favour…"

He raised an eyebrow, curious. "Oh? What kinda favour ya thinking of?"

Ran placed the tea down on the table, shifting a little with nervousness. Heiji would either take this really well, or rebuke her immediately. She had one chance to do this. "IwaswonderingifyouwouldbabysitConanforme?"

"What?" Heiji blinked at her. "Yer gonna have to repeat that, sorry."

A fierce blush rose on Ran's cheeks, and she lowered her head to watch the floor. Heiji wondered momentarily if he had done something to offend her.

"Ah… Sorry…" She shifted her eyes onto the teacups, taking a moment to compose herself. "I was hoping that you could babysit Conan for me, just for a week or so. I've been wanting to go somewhere normal with my friends for once, and he's always tagging along, and well, where he goes…" In truth she felt guilty about deceiving Heiji- she had nowhere to be and her Huh?

"Death goes. No worries, I got yer back. Why though? Ya could just leave him at home and nothin' would happen, right?"

"You're expecting him to just stay at home? I tried that, and it somehow managed to give him nightmares. If I'm trying to keep him at home like that it won't work."

"Ya managed to give _Conan-kun_ nightmares? How?" He seemed honestly shocked. Ran mumbled something in response, and he frowned. "Yer gonna have to repeat that."

"I set him up in one room every evening, and locked him in. After about a week I noticed him having a nightmare so I decided to call you in instead."

"What were ya thinking?! Did you even _consider_ what that would do to him-?!" He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. His next words were sharp, and filled with a quiet fury that bubbled over just enough to cause fear. "What were the nightmares about, then?"

"Someone called 'Berumotto' being an imposter of me. I figured it was just a TV character or something, I mean- he's just a six year old…"

Heiji let out a strangled laugh. "Yeah, sure. That makes sense I guess. Ya better not do something like that again, though."

Ran nodded quietly, realizing exactly what she had done. It had gotten results, but not without side effects.

"I'm home!" Came Conan's voice, overshadowed by the squeak of a door and the distinctive rustle of swapping shoes for slippers

Ran paled. "Don't tell him about this!" She whispered harshly.

Heiji nodded sagely, but it was completely thrown off by his boyish grin. "Oh, I won't… "

"Welcome back Conan-kun!" Ran said, louder than before so he could hear with a smile plastered on.

He walked confidently in, a book in his hands and his bag slung loosely on one shoulder. He dropped both in shock when he saw Heiji. "H-Heiji-niichan?"

"That's me, Ku-kiddo!"

Conan stalked over to him, glaring upwards into the Osakan's smiling face. "You didn't tell me you were coming!"

"Well, it IS a surprise visit!" Heiji exclaimed. At this point Conan and Heiji were nose to nose and neither was willing to give an inch.

"Well- I'll just be going then."

"EH? Ran-neechan, where are you going?"

"Just out with Sonoko, nowhere special."

Conan almost seemed deterred due to the mention of the shopping queen. Almost "Can I come with you Ran-neechan? Please?"

Ran was about to reply, but was cut off by a smirking Heiji, "Puppy."

"Oi- what's that for?" Conan turned around to face him, and Ran took the opportunity to disappear.

* * *

When Ran returned just as the sun was setting, she found herself only mildly surprised to see the police crowded around the entryway to her home. Heiji had gone out to grab some snacks and four people crash landed almost on top of him when he returned. Two dead, and the survivors had very few injuries.

The fact that it was actually murder and staged with a ridiculous motive and all, the whole hog... That part _definitely_ did not surprise her.

* * *

Last attempt, then. It almost seemed impossible to fix the murders around him but she hadn't tried one thing yet. _Official_ house arrest. In the form of a grounding of course. She had tried to make it nice for him but no. Last chance to stop him encountering death safely. Heiji as, she had forgot, magnified people's capacity to succumb to the deadly pull of gravity in unusual ways.

Perhaps putting him in murder quarantine would work. No going outside meant no murders would happen around him. If she could keep him inside for a month or so- perhaps this strange affliction would stop. It worked with deadly diseases- maybe it would work with this deadly something or other?

One week into her 'grounding' scheme, and she was starting to realise one major flaw with it, Conan, as it turned out, could be one heck of an escape artist. She caught him climbing out of a locked window to go to a case at one point, and had to reinstall it with a different lock. And weigh down all chairs, and bolt all furniture down, and generally make everything unmovable for a child.

Three weeks in and she found him in the middle of a Kid Heist, that Kid said he'd kidnapped him to attend. The many little iron lockpicks and the innocent little English guide to escapes for the small person which she later confiscated and it was still not over.

A month into her plan, and it had turned Conan into an escape artist crossed with a genius. It didn't bode well for keeping him indoors- and she had to give up.

The murders, she noticed, after that were usually weekly so there was something to be said for her efforts. Maybe.

 **A.N**

 **2301 Words Pre AN**

 **I just wanted to write Ran trying to stop the murders, it turned a bit OOC and rambly at the end though. This was intended to be a humorous prod at DC world logic… I don't think I succeeded.**

 **There was going to be a scene where Ran tried to treat as a curse but… I over researched and do you even know how hard it is to find solid lore on Shinigamis? It's a nightmare. So yeah. No curse scene...**

 **About the book- Heiji gave him the adult version with a kiddy dust cover. Ran suspected nothing.**

 **Thanks to my awesome friends and betas, Disconsolate Mist and LadyShadow26 for grammar checking and nitpicking. There are some major inconsistencies, most notably with the culture of what Japan lets children read defying the whole catalyst for this story, and the general OOC Ran decisions that followed.**

 **Please review any thoughts, opinions or otherwise. I love to hear people's thoughts on my works, even if you wish to roast me alive. That's good too.**

 **BCoH signing out.**


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